How to boost your resilience with a quick self-awareness shift

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One of the biggest hindrances to self acceptance and non-judgment is our anger. Those of us who are on a personal growth journey, particularly those who are really invested in it, find over time, it feels like it should be done with certain emotions. If we ever diminish, ignore or suppress certain parts of our personality, they not only linger, they dig in deeper.
Anger deserves special attention, because this is an emotion that is very tricky for both men and women. For women, it’s tricky because we are taught that we are not allowed to show anger. Anger makes us ugly. It makes us argumentative. It makes us a “bitch”, which is to be avoided at all costs.
For men, it’s quite the opposite. It’s the one emotion that men are really encouraged to show. It’s one of the few “safe” emotions to show other than excitement when you have success. However, in a business setting, losing your composure can be perceived as weakness; as an inability to regulate your emotions (low EQ).
It’s not going to help anybody’s career trajectory to appear that you can’t keep it together. So when my male clients come to me and they want to improve their resiliency, it’s all about regulating anger so they are less reactive. When women come to me and they want to increase their level of self acceptance and self love, it’s always about allowing anger and how to express it without hurting somebody, or feeling guilty.
I think both issues can be navigated with one approach. Recognizing that anger is a very powerful and important emotion. Anger is designed to show us where there is a threat either to our physical body or to our principles, to our values, to our beliefs, and sometimes to our pride. Anger has a very important function. When we can recognize that it is our ally, it alerts us to bring attention to something that needs to be acknowledged and navigated. If we can see our anger in that way, then it helps move you from that explosive feeling of momentary passion, to inquiry.
Here’s a simple process to help you recruit your anger as an ally instead of a liability. First, recognize when you’re becoming angry and admit it. Then ask yourself the following questions:
1. Why am I angry about this?
2. What is my anger trying to show me?
3. What is the fear?
That is an instant pivot into self awareness and it helps regulate this very powerful emotion. I wanted to invite you to see your anger as a very powerful ally in understanding yourself better. Lao-Tzu said “To understand another is wisdom, to understand yourself is enlightenment.” Anger helps us do that when we allow it and turn our attention to why we’re having this passionate response. I hope that’s helpful.
If you would like to connect with me about some private or group facilitation, please DM me. You can find me on Instagram @SoulfulLeader, or you can find me on my website at My name is Maura Barclay and it is my pleasure to help.